Sunday Scribblings #86 — Misspent (aka Frittered) Youth

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I do prefer the word frittered to misspent. I sometimes stutter and the word misspent just won’t roll off my tongue.

So. Did I fritter away my youth? I really think so. I have to own up to a few good chunks of frittering. Making the right decisions was not something I did easily.

The facts:

  1. My friends were a partying bunch. Underage drinking but no drugs, thankfully. I suppose I could have tried being friends with kids farther up the food chain, but it was easier to just coast along with the friends that I had. I would consider that frittering.
  2. I took very careful aim and shot myself in the foot repeatedly in school. Activities that would have been good for my self esteem were largely ignored by me, usually for some boy or other. Not just frittering — brainless frittering.
  3. I settled for a high school diploma and did not pursue higher education. Major frittering accomplished for sure.
  4. I married the first guy who asked me in order to escape my home situation. Bad choice topped off by even more bad choices, because I stayed with him for 20 years. A glittering frittering achievement. (Oooo, poetry!!)

Can you hear the violins? Oh, the drama!!

You can only work with what you have and in my defense, I had a lot of strikes against me. Home was not the sanctuary that it should be, and school was difficult to say the least. I was your garden variety of female teenage hormones tied up with zero self esteem and no role models to look up to.

Do you believe that the end justifies the means? Of course I made bad decisions. Most teenagers do and I do regret a few. I wanted friends around me to make me feel safe so I drifted when it was certainly possible that I could have worked harder and improved my life. I was lucky that I didn’t make any decisions that could have done me bodily harm. (Someday I will post a couple of stories of very near misses that I was lucky enough to dodge.) I had a couple of friends in high school that weren’t that lucky.

And I DO like who I am now. The journey to get here wasn’t so great but without all that
wreckage following me around, I don’t know what kind of person I would be. Looking back now and whining over what might have been but for better choices would clearly be frittering my time away. I prefer to look at it, reflect upon it all briefly, then put it all away and have a nice hot, cup of coffee. Mmmm.

coffee cup

If you would like read more about misspent/frittered youth, click here for Sunday Scribblings.

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11 thoughts on “Sunday Scribblings #86 — Misspent (aka Frittered) Youth

  1. Great post – brutally honest and why not? I appreciate that I am not the only one who posted that I had a regret or two. It always bugs me when someone says they have NO regrets or things they would have done differently. Please, as if anyone’s life is that perfect.

  2. Why do teenagers think that they have to escape? From what? From love and security offered by parents? I never understood that.

    My parents and brothers loved me no matter what. They still do.

  3. I’m glad you’ve come to a place where you’re happy with who you are.

    Your post makes me even more grateful for the way my family always provided an anchor for me, even when I did my best to reject it.

  4. Like you, I dodged some bullets in my teen years because I, too, made the bad choices of friends. Thankfully, I lived through it. I’m glad you did, too, and yours is an even bigger achievement as you lacked the familial support I had.

  5. Marcy

    gautami – I’m so glad (and envious) that you and your family are loving and kind to each other. Cherish them!! My sister and I were not lucky enough to have had that kind of security — we just wanted to be out of that abusive environment. There’s escaping and then there’s escaping.

  6. I too have a tough time with the word misspent tripping properly passed my lips….frittered was the word that I had replaced it with in my head, though I have yet to write my SS piece!

    Psychologist William Glasser, the founder of Choice theory and Reality therapy believes that we do the best we can with the tools we have and in the situation we find ourselves in. I think Dr. Phil applies some of Glasser’s thoughts….I hear it when Dr. Phil asks…..”Is that working for you??” It is when we can reach that question ourselves that we can look at the choices we are making and evaluate….
    We most definately do the best we can do with the cards we are dealt. Your family life and school situation impacted your adolescent and young adult choices……and then one day, perhaps you asked yourself…..”Is this working for me??” 🙂

    I enjoyed your post……and your honesty.

    Now, I better get my act together and write my own….

    enjoy your sunday.

  7. Very honest post. I too frittered away some of my youth, but I wasn’t prepared to write about it on my post. Life is such a journey isn’t it? I think we share one more thing.. we found men that have made this part of our lives even more enjoyable.

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